What it means for Torino is they need to get on their fuckin’ bulls and start putting some goals into the net, because even 8 straight nil-nil draws likely won’t cut it. Now they sit just three points from the relegation zone, and their inability to do anything which resembles scoring goals is becoming quite worrisome. Also: Alvaro Recoba…..you suck.

This weekend’s jaunt is another down to the isles, this edition being a Sicilian trip where they get to take on Catania, a team which sucks….unless they’re playing at home. Oh good. They’re as close to a drunken sorority girl (sure thing) as you’re going to get in calcio when they play away from home, but being on their turf is an entirely different matter. They’re 6-5-3 at home, meaning they’ve only managed to get beaten three times: Fiorentina, Atalanta and Inter. Guess what? Torino isn’t any of those teams, not even Atalanta (sadly).

Meaning: Toro fans should down beaucoup anti-depressants before this game.

Squad

Portieri: Fontana, Gomis.

Difensori: Dellafiore, Di Loreto, Motta, Lanna, Pisano, Rubin.

Centrocampisti: Asamoah, Bottone, Corini, Diana, Grella, Rosina, Zanetti.

Attaccanti: Bjelanovic, Di Michele, Malonga, Recoba, Stellone.

No Simone Barone, no Nikola Lazetic, no Matteo Sereni, no Cesare Natali.

You know what I’d love to see? A “fuck it” lineup. Screw balance. Go all out.

Fontana;
Diana, Dellafiore, Di Loreto, Motta;
Rosinaldo, Grella, Corini, Recoba;
Di Michele, Stellone.

And you know what? It might work, because Catania has some serious impotence - they’re tied with Empoli for least number of goals in Serie A. Why the hell not? It’s not like they’ll come back and put you out of the game with a quick four in the first ten minutes or anything (or half, like Parma). Throw everyone forward, get the team to play like they’re down one in stoppage time of the second half for the entire game, and then maybe build up a little bit of confidence so that they can manage to stay up this year, dammit.

Of course, more likely is a team which will aim to go and scrap out a nil-nil draw, the Torino way……..

Prediction: 0-0. Blah.

Ah well, there’s always this:

So Torino has that whole “can’t score goals” thing going on for them right now, despite having guys with some decent talent. Maybe they decided to quit while they were ahead after the Parma game. Or maybe the only way this team is going to score goals these days is by having four strikers on the pitch. A novelty of sorts which I’m fully in the camp of….once they assure safety. Until then it’s going to have to be some good old straight-forward striking.

Next year, however, is another matter. Chances are pretty decent they’ll stay in Serie A, as they’ve proven that they can even hang with some of the big fellas (wins over Sampdoria & Palermo, draws with Palermo, Roma & Milan), so there may be some surprise happenings in the final weeks. The schedule isn’t wonderful, but they should be able to outlast Cagliari, Empoli and Reggina at the least.

There’s a mighty good possibility Alvaro Recoba will be gone next year (yes, now you) - and I have nothing to back that up beside the fact that he hasn’t scored since September coupled with pure logic - and one or two of Ventola, Di Michele or Bjelanovic may be sold (the latter two almost going to Roma in January at the deadline - why Bjelanovic nobody knows, his strike rate is abysmal). Stellone seems entrenched, and I hope he stays - he’s got some deceptive qualities despite looking like a wrecking ball in boots - and Dominique Malonga may be ready a lot sooner than anticipated. Or maybe that’s wishful hoping. Or thinking. Oh yeah, and then there’s Masashi Oguro, whose Torino highlight has been his wikipedia page:

Oguro owns a chihuahua named Rao. He is a fan of the manga Fist of the North Star. He loves the card game Uno, and has been appointed a “Uno Ambassador”. When he is excited and wants to get attention on the field, he yells “UNO!” He is a fan of the Hanshin Tigers.

If that doesn’t make your day, I don’t know what will. No word on whether or not he owns a Ms. Kitty purse too, but from here on out, Oguro will be known as Uno! in this realm of the universe. Hooray for obsessive Japanese reporting.

Anywho, in January Toro had nearly lined up this German guy from Denis playing in Argentina. Or a guy named German Denis from Argentina. One of the two. Deal fell through due to “minor details”, and now he’s saying he’d love love LOVE to come play for Torino next year and do all sorts of fanciful Argentinian things. Namely score goals. Word has it he’s a very physical forward (as you can see from his google images pic) playing currently for Independiente in Argentina, led the Apertura is gols last (half)season and made his national team debut for the Argies just last fall. Oh, and he wants to be “Torino’s Batistuta”. Well shit, bring him on.

Here’s what his highlights say: predatory instincts. And quite frankly, that’s all the Granata really need. They don’t need fancy - they just need someone to put some freakin’ goals into the back of the net consistently. Even though there’s no rumored price tag associated, given that he’s both the goal leader and an Argie international, it’s hard to believe he’ll come cheap. Hey, no price is too high to pay for a year of unquestioned safety. Worry about the rest afterwards.

His highlights, set to a very questionable sountrack:

Alright, aside from the unfathomable spanking from Cagliari, Torino was never the favorite to pick up any more than two points total from Udinese and Milan. Taking zero isn’t exactly horrible given the quality of opposition, but that whole relegation fight is back in the works, as they’re only four points clear from the zone right now. A little look at the good, the bad, and the ugly from this past week:

The Good

One of these days the calcio gods are going to see it fit to put Torino and Roma at different times so that I can watch both games and be a happy little dual-supporter. Unfortunately, the highlights from both Udinese & Milan had to suffice.

i. The good news from Udinese was that Simone Pepe’s goal was a ball from the fuckin’ heavens and about three keepers in the world were getting to that ball…..and Matteo Sereni ain’t one of ‘em.

ii. After watching the Milan highlights, it looked like Torino had a real chance to win or tie the game but Milan’s class defense stifled them at just the right times. Plenty of chances, and Stellone looked nice and dangerous, but they couldn’t put any into the back of the net. Something to build on, at least, as it’s all about the small victories these days.

iii. After getting thrashed by Cagliari, they held Udinese & Milan to a goal apiece. Two squads which can, if necessary, put up goals galore. Baby steps.

iv. Alessandro Rosina still plays for Torino. Every day is a good day.

The Bad

i. As said above, no goals. Three games, including two with defenses giving up a goal per game minimum and ZERO goals. Some of that “talent” up front needs to translate to “production” and fast, because there are only 8 games left and the relegation zone is creeping up fast.

ii. The relegation zone is creeping up fast. (Sound familiar?) That’s 8 games and a necessary 9 points to hit the supposed safe number of 40. They can definitely do it, but they’ll need to start bagging some goals.

iii. Walter Novellino’s plan of throwing on striker after striker after striker when down a goal is nice and all, but it’s not exactly working well, is it? Maybe it’s time for some alternative tactics? Not every game is going to be Parma.

iv. Aimo Diana is playing right back. He can do it for sure, but having him there is by no means “ideal”.

The Ugly

i. Comotto is gone for the year with a knee injury, and he may have seen his last game in the jersey. Could finally head to Firenze after the season to join up Prandelli’s Purple People Eaters and leave a hole in the back. I’m a huge fan of Marco Motta, but the status of his deal, as far as I know, is just a loan, and I can’t imagine Pasquale Marino will want to sell a young phenom who could thrive in his system. So that’s like two bad things in one. Damn.

ii. They lost to Cagliari 3-0. Have I mentioned that already?

iii. The remaining schedule:

@ Catania
Empoli
@ Genoa
Inter
@ Roma
Napoli
@ Livorno
Fiorentina

Oof.

Roma and Inter are pretty much lost causes, though they could perhaps maybe kinda sorta scratch out a draw at home with the South American all stars if the free fall in Milan continues. The last time they went to Rome they got annihilated, so there’s your confidence going in. Fiorentina is another probable dropped three points, especially if they have that almighty 4th CL spot to play for in the final weekend. They could take all three points from Catania, Empoli and Livorno; though four or five is more likely. Genoa and Napoli could show a point or even a surprise three. Would seven be enough to get it done? Maybe. But some of the bottom feeders are playing shockingly well at the moment.

What it all comes down to is this: they really needed those points in Sardinia. Time for the geezers to gear up, it’s going to be a fight ’til the finish.

No streams were showing the game when I got there, so I missed this one - which was apparently fortunate.

Now what the hell Novellino was doing in starting Lazetic and then bringing on Rosinaldo for a tactical substitution in the 28TH MINUTE……I just have no idea. Dude’s your best player, and you’re one, leaving him on the bench to start, and then bringing him on 28 minutes in. What shite.

Simone Barone’s “hand ball” was just another example of the joke being referred to as “refereeing” in Serie A this season, but it’s not like it really would have mattered. Di Michele missed his gimme on the spot, and it sounds like it was completely downhill from there.

Safety is probable, and any type of European spot it way out of the question, so at this point it’s, uh, whatever. Some nice performances would be really nice, and a little something heading into next year, but as long as they stay safe, I’m more interested in what Cairo and Lupo have in store for the summer besides ex-Palermo players and/or dudes who passed their “sell by” date last century.

Until then, it’s Udinese on Wednesday. Oh joy.

The highlights, including Simone Barone’s handball, which was actually a thighball.

This is a pretty good chance to solidify a spot in Serie A next year, because Cagliari may be a whole lot of things, but good is not one of them. You could call it “reeling”, but they’ve been “reeling” since they sold David Suazo and, to a much lesser degree, Mauro Esposito. So this is Torino’s best chance going in to take a full three points away from home for the rest of the year - though chances are it’ll be a draw, of which they have 9 in 14 games outside of Torino. (Yeah, you read that correctly.)

Il Toro are also on quite the high, riding an eight game unbeaten streak which damn sure should continue on into midweek, when they’ll host Udinese (who drew with Lazio today - which means Toro should have an easy, easy win…because, you know, Lazio sucks). Hell, maybe even nine heading into the matchup against Milan. Plenty of confidence, so I really can’t see a loss.

Most are saying safety is at 40 points, just like last year, so if they can get a win here and slide in to 34pts with 10 games to go - barring disaster it should be a coast to three straight years in the big leagues. (And then we can all rightfully celebrate the two year anniversary when Torino came up and Juventus went down - the way it should be.)

The Squad

Portieri: Fontana, Sereni

Difensori: Comotto, Dellafiore, Di Loreto, Franceschini, Lanna, Motta, Natali.

Centrocampisti: Kwadwo Asamoah (n. 24), Barone, Bottone, Corini, Diana, Lazetic, Rosina.

Attaccanti: Di Michele, Malonga, Stellone, Ventola.

Injuries

Paolo Zanetti, Alvaro Recoba, Vincenzo Grella and Marco Pisano are all out with fatigue or inflammation to something - exactly what I’ll leave to your imaginations (keep it kosher). So that’s losing a little bit of bite in the midfield without Zanetti and Grella.

Projected XI

Sereni;
Comotto, Di Loreto, Natali, Lanna;
Diana, Barone, Corini, Rosinaldo;
Stellone, Di Michele.

It’s not the most tactically balanced lineup one’s ever seen, but it’s probably going to have to do, unless Novellino has something up his sleeve. (Maybe Motta on the right for Diana would help?)

Predictions

The fact that Torino may have no choice but to play a less defensive style may make this one hell of a game to watch, because Cagliari has absolutely nothing to lose any more. One point is like putting a bandaid on cancer, so that’s not going to cut it. It has to be a full three points, and they’ll be more confident going at home, where they’ve actually got some wins this season. But this is Torino, so…..2-2 draw, with the Sicialian sun shining down on The Hairless Ones. Goals from Rosinaldo and Stellone with Corini pulling the strings.

Because this club is far too special not to have a spot anymore. I’ll be filling in until something properly permanent comes along.

And Torino does hold a special place. They are by no means a “second” club for me.